We have our first revision. Hopefully more to come..
Also, added a new love poem...
*********
by Marianne
OLDER WOMEN
(2008)
Do older women
feel the fire?
Or touch the ice?
They wander out,
appearing susceptible
to everything-
from apathy to the weather.
Pocketbooks clutched,
silent as mimes.
They concentrate solely
on
each footfall.
They turn in surprise,
then laugh silently.
Their tension
glimmers
like the reflection
from the shop windows
cursed
by their glance.
Too conscious of the cars,
and the people,
and the shadows
that pass around them.
They’ve existed
for decades
only for the sake of others.
Broken,
apologetic,
unaware
that their moment
of beauty is not over.
Marianne Fuchs
March 17, 2008
Revision of, Young Girls,By Gabrielle Cheek
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by Gabrielle
There for all to see
I fling myself wide open
You may turn your heads
Revision of Haiku by Andrea
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3 comments:
This is absolutely perfect! I love it, really. Not only do I like how your mirrored it, but it actually stands on its own as a verg good poem I think. Thanks Marianne.
testing testing....
I can't thank you good people enough for sharing your work!
Marianne, I agree with Gabrielle,
as her poem could be a "response" to your poem...as a poet-you certainly tackle the assignment well.
I check in daily, but have problems posting. This blog has given me the impetus to take a poetry class!-I need some guidence desperately (spellcheck as well).
I wonder if down the road we all could select our favorite poems/or poets and discuss why they touch us... :)
Kate.
There it is!
I kept missing Gabby's haiku..
loved it Gabs...it is equally tender as is Andrea's poem in the childlike sense of braving possible rejection by either bravdo, or preemptive disassociation and so too, having that special palpable "secret" hope that children (and ahem, adults) have.. :)
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